I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
