As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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