So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
