Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
