meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
