I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
