Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
