if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
