I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
