so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
