Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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