Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
