forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
