I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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