feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
