The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize