I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
