$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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