The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
