Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
