Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
