I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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