I looked at my own cervix.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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