My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
