I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You ruined the universe
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
