so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
