if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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