yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Drunk is a universal language darling
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
