Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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