those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
