I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
