Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
