five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
