How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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