I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
