There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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