oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
