There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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