so let's talk penis.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
