if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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