dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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