I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
