Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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