sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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