Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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