ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
