its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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