I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
