STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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