speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize