Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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