I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
