Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
