Do vagina's smell?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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