so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
