reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
