Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We just shotgunned beers for America
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
