Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize