so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
