Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
