I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I need to align my fucking chakras
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
