I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
