Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize