got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
