Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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