we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
