I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
