Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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