Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
