You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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