oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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