it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
