She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
