I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
NoShamevember. You game?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
