Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
