You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
