if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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