i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
