no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
