I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
