I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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