I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize