A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
