I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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