I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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