she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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