I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
