I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just had sex on a roof
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
