I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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