Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
