i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
