Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
