There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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