HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
