Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
