I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize