His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
40s are totally the cure
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
