The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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