i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
