hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Gay?
German.
Pity.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
