yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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